Sunday, June 7, 2009

Young folks.

On rainy Sundays. These are my favorite in Florence. Sitting in the T.V. room watching dvds of Dawsons Creek, while the city pours. Mornings laying in bed under the wake of torrential storms.

We have a symposium tomorrow. I have to present a paper I wrote 2 months ago on a topic I barely remember. And it will be okay.

We have a paper due in less than 14 days. 3,000 words of child's play.

And it seems, the way we were, the way we were may have gone with the beginning of the end. The ease of unwitting banter.

In other news, over before this program was fit to end. Why? Perhaps because in the final moments, people find themselves in situations they wouldn't normally be in. Why? Because it is the end. Because it doesn't matter anymore. Because we won't have to live with it for long. Because the reminder won't be for long.

And I woke up this morning incredibly sad. Incredibly sad because you aren't the same. Not entirely the same. The difference may be subtle, but it is there. And it's sad because I just realized, this may be the only way I will know you, we will know each other from now on. And that makes my heart heavy.

I've always been a skeptic when it comes to the ordinary romance. Only a handful of my friends are in long-term relationships, and of those, I may only approve of one or two for marriage. Either way, hers was one that over the course of knowing, I thought perhaps I was too skeptic on the ability of perfection in things. Except, it seems, nothing is really ever as perfect as it may seem. And though I've always been aware of this fact, it's weird to see it, to be a witness to the imperfection. The imperfection in a perfection I almost believed in.

23 January 2009.

"i was thinking about life. can't figure out if i'm happy or not," he said.
"well if you have to think about it..."
"not sure," he replied. "hey, how about you, are you happy?"

and my first reaction to his hesitation was perhaps he wasn't. because wouldn't it be something you wouldn't need to think about? but i hesitated. and my reply? i guess i am happy.

it's weird. being back in italy, i'm not homesick like i was the first time. and in some ways it kinda felt like coming home. and i know, when this is over, this is one of those times in my life i'm going to look back on and miss terribly.

so maybe, maybe i won't ever attain everything i desire. well of course not, because my desires are endless and insatiable. but if i were to go now, today. i'd say, i got everything i ever wanted.

and that's enough.

1 comment:

ClaireyMary said...

maybe perfection is never giving up on someone because you love them that much ?