Sunday, January 31, 2010

in streaming

In the after years we ran away to nations and nation states, lectures on American imperialism and the affairs of Central and Eastern Europe, Turkey's fight and London's ambivalence, after hours we decompressed, fueled on euro birra coined from 24-hour vending machines on the stone steps of the old church, Irish pubs across the river filled with Americans we loathed, there in the wood-benched alcove, under 90's tunes of the American dot-com era, before the money woes, of another time, we cheered on Fiorentina v Milan, over-hyphenated societies and the inability to understand the plight of the ordinary, in the messiest of times our only anthem was living

no one ever knows what they're going to be when they grow up, even after they've grown up, it was never about the destination, the end result, it was always about the continuation, the continuum, they didn't all hear us, they didn't all understand but there was admiration, envy

plagued by unrest, begging change to the world in which we'd return

we came back to the world as we'd known it, over-worked Americana in over-populated suburbias.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

I read your work and I wonder

what kind of person you came to be

between the details

the ache of your pen

diction pulled between the creases

of these ordinary moments.

Friday, January 29, 2010

i didn't know what to say

He said something about timing.

She said something about luck.

   missed connections all across the eastern front.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Only in madness may there be brilliance.


I'm still stuck on that hooker/prison/day labor thing.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Breaking hearts to make the papers.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

"We accept the reality of the world with which we're presented, it's as simple as that."

The Truman Show
I recall saying, for 2010 I'd be shedding the crazy.

Why do I always have to say everything I'm thinking?

Keep mouth shut, for the love of god.

Must locate boundaries.  I was never good at that.

I'm gonna stop working on that thing called love.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Rome, Rome, Rome, Rome

"Apparently we can't get enough of the world," he says.
"No, I think it's a lifelong addiction."

You defined a generation of wanderers.  Kids who unknowingly turned into adults, grown on the pursuit of dreams.  From a generation that knew hardship well, a generation that made something out of nothing, a generation that mended the broken, a generation that moved nations.

Here, there are no hard times, merely the illusion of hardships raised against the backdrop of someone else's war.  Stuck in limbo, filled with a malcontent, perpetually delaying adulthood, they are unable to cope with the current state of all things.  For the dream, for every dream, every great dream, holds an even greater space for failure, for disappointment, for disillusionment.  So 85 days in the middle of France, imbibed in scotch, birra moretti, coffee houses, for here was only living, only living, only living, only here was there any weight.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

It was the summer that plagued our aging youth. We danced, we drowned ourselves in liquor and bits of the college years. Fooling ourselves into believing liquid courage stood for something. Holding onto a past that had already closed. We weren't ready to move on.

You came around, you stayed around, and as abruptly, as wordlessly as it had begun, you left.

You were the anthem in the messiest of times.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

One Day

Matisyahu reminds me of the old college daze and this boy I used to be crazy about.

Perez Hilton posted his new single, and I think I like it. Hey, Akon always seems to do right....well, music wise anyway.

Monday, January 11, 2010

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius, and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."

marilyn monroe

I was always shoddy at timing, but then I never really believed it was about timing. And then sometimes I think that's all it is.

Guess it doesn't help when I'm consistently running away, or they're away or, well, it's always something.

Most days I just wonder, when am I just going to be enough? Forget the miles, forget the hundreds of other reasons why it just won't work. When will I, simply be enough. Cause I know, it was never the miles, never was.

But then again, who the hell knows what it's all about?

Sunday, January 10, 2010

I start my internship at the Washington City Paper next week, and I'm halfway through this graduate program. I've spent the past several years weeding out what I didn't want to do, figuring out the things I lived for, and now I guess it's make it or break it. Either way, it'll be over with.

It's odd. I feel like everything I've ever worked for has lead me to here.

Has to be worth something.

Friday, January 8, 2010

I miss us + our kitchen + our adventures + our bathroom talks + our movie marathons + quarters.

I miss being so high on life.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Even now, our banter still works.

Despite everything, or maybe as a result of, I'm glad you exist, and I'm glad you're still kinda in my life.

With time, everything's just okay now, just good.

Friday, January 1, 2010

In 2010.

Shedding the crazy.