Sunday, June 14, 2009

It's not like we planned it

This photograph was taken 9 months ago. 9 months ago my life was nothing like it is now. I can say, I'm probably not the same. How could I be? I fell in love with this city. And in the process, I met strangers who have become family, and it hurts my heart to know I have to leave this life in 2 weeks time. Ah, but what else is new with me? At least that hasn't changed. I fall in love, and I have trouble letting go, and I hate leaving people. I really adore people. And in the past year, I traveled to Prague where even under the fall of snow the city was freezing, and we slid down 2 feet covered snowy mountains in search of a miniature museum that we never found, and I ended up throwing up outside a cab and on the side of a building as a result of losing in the game of "drink to drink & irish car bombs" with Paul, I attempted to smoke for the first time in Amsterdam while checking g-mail in the middle of it and finding out I had gotten on the short list for a fellowship, and the other day I smoked my first cigarette ever - I was that drunk. And I've never wanted to smoke cigarettes. My entire life I've complained to my father about his habits, to the point where he now automatically goes outside our house to do it. And, I think smoking that cigarette under my state of utter intoxication may have me thinking more 'damnit' than that time I lost my virginity. But, hey, at this point, I only get one life, so fuck it. And the men, oh the men. I'm tired of random hook ups. I really am. But I've been tired of it for awhile now I think. Ah.

So on the train ride home from Cinque terre last night.

Ilk: So what would you do, if you were going to die tomorrow? If you only had 24 hours. And you only had the resources you currently have.
Leigh: I would e-mail everyone I loved, tell them I'm dying, and they can drive the 4 hours to come see me. And I would get on a plane and go home.


I realized, if I were to die tomorrow, there are people I have loved for years on the other side of this world. And despite how depressed I'm going to be when I leave Italia, the thing is, I still have a home elsewhere. And so, it'll be okay. This is life isn't it.

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