...I guess this would apply all across the board. All those I once had friendships with, and those events that transpired over late night conversation, the manner of ease in banter levied with subtext, but momentary leaps, without heart, don't really stand a chance against daylight, do they?

What's worth more? Because there's that line, and once you cross it, nothing's ever the same. And I often wonder, why we sometimes believe we have feelings for someone, but as soon as they're acted upon, it's as if they were never quite real to begin with.

We're creatures of habit, in grade school, you have your desk, even when it's unlabeled, we bristle when someone has decided they'd rather sit where you usually sit. And so in life, we often make decisions out of habit, even when they're mistakes. So sometimes we repeat the same mistakes, simply hoping that this time around, things will be different. But they never really are, are they?

I've been trying my whole life to live it right, to do right by myself, to do right by others. And I've messed up countless times, forgetting that sometimes boundaries matter, and a seemingly necessary selfishness must be weighed against what it's worth.

We right our wrongs, and we move on. Sometimes there's nothing else we can do.

But note: I don't believe in mistakes. Things just happen sometimes. Can't say it was right. But everything happens for a reason.

So another close call. And I guess we never really learn from our mistakes, do we? Or maybe it's just me. Who knows. A lot of things I'm not sure of lately.

Such as graduate school part II.

Last year, I said, all of it had to be for something, and at the end it was. It was more than something.

So I guess round two will produce something different, still of worth, just different.

Had some girl time over at Angela's tonight. We were saying goodbye, sitting around, five of us on her bed, gossiping, laughing, same shit we've been doing for a decade now. And it never gets old, and we're always saying goodbyes, and even now, we've still got things to figure out.



Tuesday marks the one year anniversary since I left this city for Florence.

I hope I don't do anything too drastic.