Monday, November 30, 2009

Aside from the education, one thing I've taken away from having a masters and a that formal education, in the form of an M.A., pretty much, doesn't mean all that much in the real world. or at least in the real world I'm set to enter. Except for the fact that you need to be in school in order to be eligible for most internships, most unpaid internships at that. This conundrum.

And I don't know. I'm not sure it means all that much to me either.

But maybe I can say this because I already have it, of course.

Versus a date. Now there's an accomplishment, kidding. Well, these days, not really.

Sunday, November 29, 2009

I was born old.

Matters of the heart have always been my vice.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Casual sex is great, if you have the emotional capacity for it. Tragically, I do not. Therefore, I find it pretty pointless.

As much as I try to fight it, I'm an old fashioned girl at heart.

Life is one big experiment. A series of never-ending rough drafts. Until you die.

I was just wondering today, if journalists handle rejection better than the regular population because I sure as hell have gotten rejected a lot lately. Apparently most humans have an issue with being on camera and/or giving me their last name.

Maybe, one day, I'll get lucky. That's all it seems to be sometimes.

Friday, November 27, 2009

Not much has changed in 16 years.

on making time for many men, many many many men

ang: "oh well, gotta live life first"

August 1992. Washington, D.C. On the National Mall.

This was the same day my mom bought me a snow cone from one of those street vendors, which were my favorite, and I accidentally dropped it and started to cry. I don't even know why, somehow I thought they were irreplaceable. But she got me another one. And then it started to pour. It was one of those storms that leaves as abruptly as it arrives. By the time we got to our car we were drenched. And I remember, after we got home and changed, we all went to Chuck E Cheese.

I had a pretty good childhood.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Along the same lines

I know I complain a lot. About graduate school, about the decisions I've made, about this course in life that I've chosen, about never making it.

But, at the end of the day, I don't regret a single choice I've ever made. And I'm incredibly thankful to be here today, where I am. Albeit stuck with hefty student loans and still living at home with the 'rents. But it's okay.

Because I'm thankful they're healthy. This time, 3 years ago, it was a terribly different story. And those months were hard. Really hard. And these days, my poor dad and his back. But he'll be fine.

And I'm thankful for everything I've been given, for the life my parents have given me and the opportunity they've allowed me in order to pursue my dreams. No, they haven't always been entirely supportive, in my decision to pursue writing, to pursue journalism to pursue another graduate program (YOU WILL BE POOR.), but they've always been my crutch.

So I still have a 25 page paper to write for my seminar class, and I'm aware life will only continue to get harder, but it's okay. If it weren't hard (that's what she said.), nothing would ever be worthwhile.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

"Sometimes you just need to let go and move on."

That's what they tell me.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm refusing to settle or just scared of being with someone who'd want to be with me.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I need a new hobby.

Sunday, November 22, 2009


Sunday mornings, sweats in bed, stories missing. Bundled dreams, these lofty ideas, kept away. Will we ever make it out of this town.

Alicia Keys, Empire State of Mind solo.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

What are we going to do with ourselves?

Sunday, November 15, 2009

the after years were filled with the pursuit of relentless dreams.

[Williamsburg, Brooklyn]

I just can't help myself

We were at One and One in East Village after dinner at Lucien, located next door. We started a dance party in the empty lower level of the bar.

By the end of the night I pretty much wanted to marry the DJ.

I couldn't tell if he was Black or Asian, but after awhile we figured he was Asian. His girlfriend or groupie or whoever, hung by him the whole night. She looked like one of those territorial bitchy girls. Hell, I don't even know the guy. But, there's something about the ability to wistfully think, what could be, with someone you know nothing about because there's no past, no present, no future. No dice, no weight, no loss.

Side note: Black guys are just so damn cute when they dance.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I received a phone call from this news guy this evening.

And the first thought that came to mind was, why didn't he email me?

As Paul Wall's oh girl is playing in the background.

I'd also just woken up from a nap, so pressing the stop button as we spoke didn't occur to me.

And afterwards, I thought how nice it was that someone actually called me.

hahaha. I don't mean that in a pathetic way, but you know. No one uses the damn phone anymore. And I kind of miss it. A lot.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

At twenty-five, I'm learning there's no shortage of dreamers, but those who choose to pursue those dreams are few. And those who choose to muddle on in pursuit, even after time and trials fail, are even further between.

The former years.

keep dreamin' and me could write a bad romance

Monday, November 9, 2009

the difference between right and wrong

"They have been aware
That it is necessary
His statements ascribe
To ignorance
Malicious propaganda
They have been aware
The absurdity of his restraint
They have been aware
That it is necessary
To bring to an end
The present state of things
For their aims
Are the weapon of reaction"

"I never argue with people, because it's clear that they're not susceptible to reason. They believe what they do because they have a need to believe it." - Theodor Herzi

Beliefs on World War II aside. War doesn't define winners or losers, right or wrong, war merely defines the people who are left.

i'm listening to death cab again....

our youth is fleeting, old age is just around the bend, i can't wait to go gray, i'll sit and wonder of every love that could've been, if i'd only thought of something charming to say ---- this is the sound of settling.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Tough love

8:22:20 PM Lizzybabes163: we've all bee ntrhough it
8:22:24 PM Lizzybabes163: u gonna get use to it or what?
8:22:33 PM Lizzybabes163: thats hwat happens when u step into the real world
8:22:55 PM Lizzybabes163: u dont even need to be sad about boys
8:22:58 PM Lizzybabes163: that was so 2 days ago
8:23:02 PM Kim Ha: HAHAHHA
8:23:16 PM Lizzybabes163: so pack that shit up and move on
8:23:33 PM Kim Ha: thank you for the tough love
8:23:39 PM Kim Ha: at 9
8:23:45 PM Lizzybabes163: no
8:23:47 PM Lizzybabes163: you come here
8:23:57 PM Kim Ha: ugh i can't
8:23:57 PM Kim Ha: fine
8:23:59 PM Kim Ha: we'll do it tomorw
8:24:14 PM Lizzybabes163: well i cant either
8:24:18 PM Lizzybabes163: stop being a baby
8:24:22 PM Lizzybabes163: everyone gets rejected
8:24:35 PM Kim Ha: sigh
8:24:37 PM Kim Ha: okay
8:24:38 PM Kim Ha: thank you
8:24:42 PM Kim Ha: you saved me from going out and
8:24:45 PM Kim Ha: getting a tattoo
8:24:50 PM Lizzybabes163: drama queen
Grow up, grow up, grow up.

Ah, but we never really grow up do we? We do, but we still make the same mistakes, just annotated versions. Life doesn't get any easier, it doesn't get any less complicated. Sometimes, the mistakes just get bigger. Yea, you get the tools, the experience to handle them better but.

I long for days gone by.

I long for days gone by.

remember when we were such fools, and so convinced, and just too cool

I guess, sometimes there's nothing more to say. When things get too complicated, too convoluted, words only make things worse. Sometimes you just have to deal with it, move on. Sometimes you have to let go. Sometimes you have to. Because that small window for when they did care is gone. When he'd call you up, that's right call you up and ask what was wrong.

I start things sometimes for sport. It's all for sport, you know. Because, life gets mundane sometimes. And then, it goes too far, and then I have to back track, but by then, it's too late.

I'm still trying to get off the board, considering you got off a long time ago.

I'm tired of these games I keep getting wrapped into.

Saturday, November 7, 2009

In the muddle of my aging youth

[Busboys & Poets, Shirlington]

Propriety in the written word

Some things you never write because it's evidence of who you are. Some things, you don't want evidence of.

Upon reading up on news organizations' recent amass of rules and regulations for social media Web sites, such as Facebook, Twitter and online blogs, I'm beginning to wonder what's going to happen if I ever get a job with a major news organization or rather, any news organization. I've logged 180 posts on this blog since I started it in January. I have another 669 entries on LiveJournal dating back to 2001. Not to mention, 889 comments posted and 781 comments received on that account. And, though I don't have active links to that journal anywhere, I don't intend on deleting my account. It'd be like deleting a file of memories.

Friday, November 6, 2009

so many men.

And none to keep.

missed connections via Roma, we slept in the station on our bags, it smelled like feet

A slew of red-eye flights out of Heathrow that summer. The days were unseasonably hot for London. Clear skies, mild rain. Skipping the tube and making our way home from St. Peter's Cathedral via Trafalger Square, through Piccadilly Circus and down Tottenhamcourt Road in the drizzle of a July night. We picked up strongbow and digestives at Tesco. You would've loved it.

"How big was he?" Because size does matter, unfortunately.

"Where are the decent men?" Because we're seldom satisfied by the selection of men who hang around.

"What's wrong with us?" Because really, what's wrong with us?

Girls nights are about wine and candor. About all things related to the opposite sex. How else are we supposed to figure where the line between normalcy and crazy falls? Therapy through strings of related experiences. Yes, crazy bitch moments are understandable. Yes, there's no such thing as a platonic friendship, no matter what you believe. Yes, she fucked him, again. Yes, she stayed in an abusive relationship. Yes, for her, sex was just sex, but for her, it wasn't. Yes, she hooked up with a man who was taken. Yes, some guys are assholes. No, it doesn't have to be that complicated. Yes, love is blind.

"He ruined sex for me."

The thought occurred to me for the first time tonight.

I don't know what it was.

In retrospect, you mattered a hell of a lot more than I ever admitted.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Ode to Mike Ordonez

For coining "kimchiha". 3rd year, as UVAers called it, when I spent weekends running away to endless beer pong games, late night karaoke, Marco and Luca's, flip cup and lovely morning afters. Their apartment was always a disgusting mess, but in the morning, I always felt like I was waking up by the beach. Odd, I know.

And life has never been the same. I'm glad I met you.

Some people are just meant to be kept.

Monday, November 2, 2009

City love

Spent the afternoon blogging in Busboys & Poets in the U Street corridor. I really should've been working on my paper or mini story. I love the decor. A bookstore, coffee shop, bar and restaurant in the large open spaced filled with couches and tables for relaxing, dining or studying. Free wi-fi though it takes a few minutes to catch with Macs, and my coffee came spiked with baileys.

Had dinner next door at it's sister restaurant Eatonville which boasts southern comfort food, exquisite decor, murals splashed against the walls and chandeliers hang from the ceiling. Eatonville is an ode to the small Florida town in Zora Neale Hurston's Their Eyes Were Watching God, which I had to read in high school and in college. I'm still not quite sure how I feel about the novel. Hurston's quote covers the wall on the right as you enter. It's a damn good quote.

I had the cajun mushroom loaf. Though I was hesitant about the whole idea of a mushroom meatloaf minus the meat, it was delish.

Love it.

Places like these make me romanticize life in the city.

Weezer performs 'Kids' and 'Pokerface'

the lonely bean

British Claire, digger of baby bones and disher of marvelous wit keeps a vegan food blog. Now I usually equate 'vegan' with bland and boring, but she's real good. Half the time I think I'm eating meat and it's some kind of wonderful substitute that ain't half bad. If I had time to cook, I'd try everything here. One of these days.

[The Lonely Bean]

Sunday, November 1, 2009

sweetness never suits me.

"I think i could make an exception this one time."

"How gracious of you."

"I do try sir."