Friday, April 17, 2009

missing the big big sky

I'm writing this at 5:07 AM from my hotel lobby in Dubai, UAE. I fell asleep around midnight and woke up around 1:30 AM and haven't been able to fall back asleep. I've had a lot of time to think the past week, without school getting in the way. Perhaps too much time, I'm not sure. People are already awake getting the hotel up and running. It's kind of insane. I'm glad I don't have to wake up at 5 AM to do work.

So we landed on Wednesday, and I'm not sure I've taken to this city. I guess that's bound to happen sometimes. It's just perhaps because of some combination of smog, the sky is not clear here. Rather, almost non existent. I'm actually not sure I've seen it. And it's making me feel eerily claustrophobic. Funny the things we take for granted.

I was laying in bed with all these thoughts running through my mind. American University, USA TODAY, how come not talking to you is easier than talking to you, but now I kind of just want to talk to you again because you're home and I'm missing that now, but I realized I can't keep pulling that switch on you, or on myself, and I find myself missing New York City lately, but that's ironic considering I've never even really taken to that city, and ever since I left Firenze last week, I've found myself missing it incredibly because the inevitability of leaving so soon is really getting to me, and months ago when I first arrived I remember laying in bed trying to calm myself down, wondering what the hell I got myself into for a year of my life with these strangers, who have now become like some dysfunctional sort of family who I adore all at once, and this city that was strange and annoying and lacking, I've now fallen in love with somehow, somewhere, when I wasn't even paying attention, well I guess you can learn to fall in love, maybe that's how love works sometimes. But today I'm missing everything that is real, the big blue sky, and the people I've loved for years, months, weeks.

I wondered how come I always have to miss everything and everyone, but then if I didn't, that would mean I didn't enoy the people or experiences, so I guess I've lead one lucky life, and on the plane ride here, I thought my life was too good. You ever get that feeling? Like everything is just too good, it's almost scary. And it is terrifying, to have almost everything I've ever wanted and have life work out this way.

As for this city, at first sight it seems to be a replica of everything that is, the West self-imposed in the Middle East. But hey, I guess I can't judge too quickly because we all make a home somewhere, and there's goodness everywhere. The ATM did spit an extra $600 at me for no reason.

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