Thursday, April 2, 2009

As if this will never end.

I have 14,000 words to write by hopefully the end of next Wednesday. Ambitious is the word. And Firenze is making it painstakingly difficult because of this gorgeous spring weather we've been having. It's weird, the Florentines are still wearing massive coats and scarves, and we've already packed our sweaters away. Allison wanted to go on a walk today, so me and Leigh went to Esselunga, the 'biggest' grocery store around us. And our conversation consisted mostly of our "crazy psycho bitch" moments, and it suddenly occurred to me that I kind of have to give men a little credit for dealing with it. Cause we're all like this when we really like a guy and he's not entirely into us and then we get insecure and sometimes drunk and that just makes the normal pent up crazy come out. This perpetual cycle. Intoxicated nights, over reactions, aim conversations, useless arguments and all the while the guy pretty much has no idea why we've defriended them and say things like "get the fuck out of my life, I never want to see you again." And in the sober light of the next morning, all we can really say is fuck my life and apologize because the truth is, we said those things because we have feelings for them and we're upset and frustrated.

So sometimes it starts like this. You guys are friends, and you hang out all the time. And then one day things escalate. And then they continue. And then you get attached and insecure, and when he doesn't call one day, you freak out and wonder "why hasn't he called me?" To which you never would've cared before. And of course you can't tell the guy any of these thoughts because you guys aren't dating. To which he will point out when you do freak out on him. And it never occurs to the guy that any signals were mixed because as Leigh's male friend summed up.

"We live our life by the day. We do what we want on that day. And if a guy is really into you, then he will show you that every day."

Otherwise, he's just not that into you.

And it's a bit tragic and entirely confusing and complicated because even though we are aware of this truth, we can't help reacting the way we do anyway.

But hey, at least we live in Firenze and get to see the world for a bit.

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