Friday, April 16, 2010

the dilemma

Men are completely weird, and girls are utterly confusing.  As a female, I will admit to that much.

So you like a guy, enough to hook-up with him and not want him to hook-up with anyone else, but you don't want him to be your man, per se.  But of course, we all have trouble separating the physical and the emotional, most of us are incapable of it.  So we get territorial and we get insecure and then we wonder what the hell we got ourselves into.  Because when you start something with a man, you guys usually lay out some ground rules.  You say, you don't want a relationship, so that's how he'll take it.  That he's free to do as he pleases, and he believes you understand this, that you'll be okay with this because that's what you told him.

But the problem is, nothing's ever black and white, and all lines become blurred when it comes to matters of the heart even when it ain't love, it ain't even close.

We all know the rules.  If you tell a man, you don't want a relationship but continue to hook-up with him, then he believes that's how it will be.  And that's how he'll treat you.

But none of us like that, you know?  But how can we effectively communicate what we want, draw boundaries that we're comfortable with, when we barely know what we want?  So he'll take it as you've laid it.  And you'll continue the affair until you can't.  And in the end, you'll probably get caught up and end up hurt.  And it'll be no one's fault.  Because he was going by what you told him, so you can't blame him for that.  And you can't blame yourself because you weren't sure what you wanted either.

And at the end of the run, all that's really left is a lesson.  Another lesson, piled on top of the other lessons, for we never really learn from them do we?  We repeat the same mistakes, until they're not mistakes anymore.

I don't really know what I need.  I only know what I want.  And life is too short to be cautious.

I never really liked boundaries.  Never knew how to set them.

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