Tuesday, April 13, 2010

What are you sayin' son?

Spring is in the air, and ordinarily I don't believe in this spring fever crap, but it seems the past few weeks, the men have been coming around in hoards. Not just my life, but all my female friends as well (watch, I just jinxed myself).

Leaving us up to our ears in trying to decipher what the hell he's saying beneath the subtext. Because it seems, and I stand on this, men often times lack the balls to say what they really mean, leaving us reading a text, pondering over a conversation in bed or over aim and asking each other–what the fuck does that even mean?

Case 1: My friend has been seeing a guy. And by seeing, I mean properly dating, more or less. Dinners, meeting friends and yes, hooking up.

In bed the other day, in the middle of him listing everything he loves about her, how smart she is, how beautiful she is, he goes:

"Can we just have a purely physical relationship?"

She says, "um no, i think we're past that at this point....why can't it be mental and physical?"

He replies, "cause i'm so attracted to you mentally and physically, I know i'm going to just fall in love with you."

Translation: "Can we just be fuck buddies, but I don't wanna sound like an asshole."

But it's never that simple is it? Because, why would he introduce her to his friends if he didn't want more? Because he takes her out and buys her things. Because he seems genuinely interested in her.

Case 2: This guy has decided he's going to come around again. Again, because the first time he came around, part-way through, he did a 180. But now it's spring, and he's decided he wants to come around again. So last week, he asks, "what are you doing Sunday?" And my reply, "studying probably." And he said, "seems like we're all busy these days."

Today he goes, it's on you. And I say, nah son, it's on you. To which he brings up how he already asked me to hang last week, but I was busy, so now it's on me. I said, "wow. You asked me what I was doing."

Note: Asking a girl what she's doing is NOT the same as asking her out. Yea, I got the hint, but I'm not going to finish the job for you. (No pun intended.)

Case 3: My friend recently got out of a 5-year relationship, and is now on the complete opposite course as me. She's on the prowl, and looking for a fuck buddy if nothing else. You'd think it'd be that easy, since when a man starts talking to you, that's precisely what he has on his mind.

Steve Harvey agrees, says another friend, who's currently reading "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" (Actually, she's skimming parts she photocopied from the library.): "Well obvi when a guy approaches you he wants one of two things, err well ultimately he wants to sleep with you. But he wants to know how much it's cost as in how much does he have to invest in order to get you to say yes," she summarized.

But even with pure hookups, there are rules. He texts her, saying they should get together again soon. She replies, yea, what are your plans this weekend? He replies, he's not sure, but he'll probably be studying and he'll let her know. Come the weekend, no reply. And she's left with no option but to wait. Because the ball's now in his court.

And all she really wants is to hookup, but you can't really just say that to a guy. Because even when we don't want a relationship, we're still not tryin' to come off as complete sluts.

Ah, the complications.

Case 4: Now this is not a, what the fuck is he saying. But an example of why I believe anything is possible–and why, I believe, in going after what I want. Or at least, vocalizing it. So last year, precisely almost a year ago to date, I saw this photo of this man who I thought was completely hot. He was Asian, of French nationality and living in the states for school. At first I thought my future husband (yes, he was that hot) was 18–fail. But he turned out to be 22, quite proper. So I added him as a friend on Facebook (And no, I don't generally add strange men as Facebook friends, no matter how hot they are.). I sent him a witty message, and we FB chatted for a bit.

Of course, I simply thought he was hot, but never had any realistic expectations.

Last time we spoke was when he FB chatted me last October.

I was at The Park on 14th, this night club, Saturday night, and all of a sudden this guy comes up from behind me and says my name in my ear, and then walks on. I'm like, I don't know who the fuck that guy is, but he knew my name. Long story short, turns out it was my future husband.

True life: it could happen to you.

My former 5-year relationship friend told me he'd be the perfect hookup–he is my future husband afterall. But I digressed–I like to keep the idea of my future husband clean. For now, I like the random runins around the city.

Male-female relations are most definitely my favorite pastime. And now that spring's in the air–looks like a lot of fun to be had. So get out there people, 'cause life's not confusing enough alone–if nothing else, at least we'll be highly entertained.

I bet my nonexistent love life is in part due to the fact that I love writing about it.

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