the dilemma

Men are completely weird, and girls are utterly confusing.  As a female, I will admit to that much.

So you like a guy, enough to hook-up with him and not want him to hook-up with anyone else, but you don't want him to be your man, per se.  But of course, we all have trouble separating the physical and the emotional, most of us are incapable of it.  So we get territorial and we get insecure and then we wonder what the hell we got ourselves into.  Because when you start something with a man, you guys usually lay out some ground rules.  You say, you don't want a relationship, so that's how he'll take it.  That he's free to do as he pleases, and he believes you understand this, that you'll be okay with this because that's what you told him.

But the problem is, nothing's ever black and white, and all lines become blurred when it comes to matters of the heart even when it ain't love, it ain't even close.

Bloc Party reminds me of the early '90s, warehouse parties, smoke-filled rooms, poker chips, cigars and unrequited love.

I've handed out my fair share of unfiltered 2 a.m. intoxicated declarations.  What is it about those after hours moments, that we get this need to say precisely what's on our mind, even if in the morning after, we end up running back on everything we wrote or said, and apologizing profusely.

But for what?  In our moments of candor, we say these things we mean, but would never otherwise vocalize because we live behind these stuffy filters, for fear of rejection, for fear of a reaction, for fear of making the other person uneasy, or maybe they'll think we're completely weird.

Someone once told me, when you say something, and you mean it, don't take it back just because you're utterly mortified hours later.


My filter's never been too good, and I kind of like it that way.



Anyway, these are some I've received recently, that kind of stuck.  We don't say shit like this on the daily.  On this point, I know people say, oh, well they were drunk, but you see, it's in those moments, in that insistence to say, whatever they wanted to say, that makes it real.  Even if, only for that moment.


08.22.2009 – 4:41 a.m.

"fyi you are epic."

12.22.2009 – 1:25 a.m.

"i think i miss you."

03.20.2010 – 2:14 a.m.

"i need you to know how very platonically I love you. I love you like I love italy. And that's not to be taken lightly."