Sunday, October 18, 2009

You know I'm just going to break your heart

I don't know what it is about these days. I'm tired of all things related to the opposite sex. I'm tired of dating, I'm tired of looking, I'm tired of trying to get over it, I'm just over it.

I don't have the energy.

And is it weird that I just want to sit at a bar, or in a cafe over a cup of coffee with an old friend and conversate? I'm not looking for an easy hook up. I'm really not looking for any hook up. I just want to go back to the days when it was simpler. When it was all talk and banter and nothing else ever went into play. Just old friends over coffee.

It seems comforting.

As much as I'm anti-institution of marriage. Weddings make me cry. I'm one of those. And last night we were at this girl's bachelorette party. I don't know her, but I'm figuring she's found someone she's excited to spend the rest of her life with.

Now that's deep. Probably the only deep thing in this world. That's a long time.

And I keep looking at your pictures on your facebook. I don't know what the hell it is. I screwed you over, and here I am wondering. I know it's just the whole idea that I'm so enthralled with. That someone could want to be with me to that degree, and I threw it away. Because I didn't want it. Well, fuck, what if no one ever comes around like that again? And my friends keep telling me my problem is this fear of commitment, running away when anyone gets too close, and though I'll admit to it. On the other end, it's not like I've ever been met on the other side of this string.

Sigh. It's one of those Sundays.

Where you wake up and wonder why you drunk texted the people that you did.

I miss talking with you. That's really it.

And maybe it's because I have no other distraction right now and I'm incredibly bored. or maybe it's because once upon a time, you mattered. And I hate losing touch.


Amanda & Posido said...

i think it's only normal to feel the things you are feeling, kim. first of all, i would much prefer a good conversation over a cup of coffee than a night out where it's all about the meat market and no true connection with the people you are standing right next to the whole entire night. and yes, i agree with your thought that someone being excited to spend the rest of their lives with another is "deep." it still surprises me to this day that Posido sees me and only me in his life... and vice versa, that i could look at Posido and still be so enthralled by the idea that i want to spend the rest of my life with him. i used to not be able to fathom that idea. you're right... the rest of someone's life is a LONG ass time. haha. but have hope kim! as cliche as it sounds, when you find it, you find it, and you will know... so have hope! :-)


p.s.- happy belated. :-)

kingsmartarse said...

stop trying so hard. people always try too hard for the other sex (or i guess for sex, sometimes).

and yes, it'd be weird to get a cup of coffee at a bar.

ps: that's a nice bookcase in your blog picture. is that yours? i'm tempted to try building one like it.

The Quarter Life Affair said...

mikeordonez. no it's not my bookcase but it is sweet. it was from this cafe in florence. build one like it please.

The Quarter Life Affair said...

thanks amanda :]