Thursday, March 10, 2011

this years love had better last, heaven knows it's high time, i've been waiting, on my own, too long

there are the kind of secrets that bind us, that create trust, love, from which real friendships form, and then there are the kind of secrets that tear us apart, that in their dishonesty breed distrust, to the point that we forget what was good and what was of worth.

and i was willing to wash my hands of it. to deal with the consequences. i believe i was willing to give up what i was protecting. i thought, i actually thought, maybe, maybe it was worth it, you were worth it.

"you had to have known this was going to happen. or did you think it would end differently?"

you had to have known, she kept saying. i had to have known. it was just, i hoped it'd be different this time. i guess i should've gone into it differently. i never think. i just have this habit of leaping.

at this age, you have to ask questions, at this age, you can't just go with the flow because that's when people get hurt because at this age, everything matters. there's just not enough time, like before, when we were younger. because if we're not getting somewhere, then we're just wasting time now.

i'd hate to say it was a waste of time. i'd hate to say it that way. i wish there'd been a different ending. but it never would've worked. because it was dishonest.

and was i really willing to give up what i had?

but on another note. she said, the crazy stays. that's just what happens to us when we have something on the line, when we have something to lose. and the thing is, we're just supposed to find someone who'll love us, for the crazy and all.

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