Tuesday, June 1, 2010

on matters of worth

Maybe, maybe I ask too many questions, maybe I'm always just demanding too much, I don't know, I've always wanted the whole damn world. I used to believe anything was possible, but as I get older, it only gets harder. Some days, I'm not sure what I believe.

I came around cause I thought, you were worth my time. And I don't believe I was wrong on that point. But maybe I expect too much out of you, and maybe that's not fair, maybe. I just have this habit of always expecting a lot out of the people I care about.

It takes about 5 minutes for me to decide if someone's worth my time, if they're my kind of people. And I'm right about 95 percent of the time, there are always exceptions. But most of the time, I'm right.

I've always been good at keeping relationships–friends. Maybe because I never had a boyfriend to distract me, maybe because I'm an only child, and my parents drive me crazy. So I've always managed to keep these relationships. I choose my friends carefully because they're my family, and I was never one for keeping acquaintances, until I got older and for other reasons it became necessary (I still believe it's bullshit.). And I never realized, how, as we get older, most people don't keep that many friends. Cause we all get busy, this life, you know.

I don't know where I was going with this. But on matters of worth. I'm impatient, at times insecure, at times crazy, and I have this habit of saying everything that comes to my mind, sometimes, I say too much, I can't really say sorry because, sorry rarely ever means much. I'm addicted to the things I fear most....so maybe you're right. Maybe I'm always running after what I can't have because, because nothing good ever came easy. And that's simply how I've always known it to be. If I cease to believe that anything is possible, well then, there'd be no point left in this life.

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