Saturday, June 5, 2010

"don't let them tell you there's a right way to fall in love..."

I'd been sitting in my college radio station in the fall of 2006, when we were handed Raised by Wolves, Voxtrot's first EP. Back then I recall thinking that it was crap. And then, sometime later, after I'd donned that cap and gown, cleaned out my old apartment, and moved on, Your Biggest Fan and The Start of Something reappeared. And it was one of those things where you can't help but have it on repeat just because, and one of those times where I sat there and really listened, because we never really listen to music, most of the time.

The Start of Something shuffled on last night, and I dusted off the covers of old lines I used to adore, and this time around, I found they resonate more than the last. It's funny how, things, different things, different moments come across your life, and sometimes, the second time around, things just fit better, perhaps timing really is everything.

Then I wondered what Voxtrot was up to these days, and it turns out, they're closing shop, maybe not forever, we can never say forever, but for now.

In his farewell, lead singer, Ramesh Srivastava writes:

"Approximately eight months ago, I spoke to my friend Simon and indicated that I was ready to give up on music, or at least leave it for the indefinite future, but he reminded me that you can't dedicate yourself to another job or a degree, or some other distraction just because you've got nothing else going-if you have the feeling that you were born to do something, you've got to follow that feeling.

As he told me, "Do it because you love music. Do it with passion."

And so I did what I had to do. I swallowed my pride and got two jobs, one of which involved clearing the dishes of the filthy-and-not-so-pleasant-rich, and while this sudden change in lifestyle was not altogether ideal, I was constantly aware that I was building towards something.

For me, the most important thing in life is leaving behind something beautiful, something that finds its way into the lives of strangers, and forever alters them in a positive manner. Sometimes, being able to do this means that you have to work the shitty job and serve bread to rich idiots, but whatever, it's better than just cashing in your chips and spending the rest of your life wondering, "what if…?"

And so here I am, in the middle of another one of my quarter-life crises, except this time, I find myself questioning the entire foundation upon which I've built this career of mine, if you will. I never really knew what I wanted to do with my life, and I guess some would say, those are the most interesting people, but to be honest, it's a hell of a lot of confusing freak-outs for a bit of interesting. So, I thought, I write, that's what I do, and if I could make a living from that, then all would be good.

I never wanted to be one of those people who sat around at 50 wondering what if. So I forsaked the money and chased these dreams, or so I've always believed.

But, when you turn your sanity into your career, and therefore, into your life, because we're workaholics, what's left?

No comments: