Saturday, March 28, 2009

Patterns of consistency in the inconsistent

I have stopped talking to a number of men over the course of my twenty-four years. I've stopped talking to these men because I decided I had feelings for them and then things got complicated between us. Sometimes they were assholes, sometimes they weren't, but either way, I usually decided I didn't have the emotional capacity to have them in my life anymore. So I cut all ties, and they usually left me alone, but then a few months would pass and it never fails. I'm just astonished by this.

Are all men like this? It will hit the 3-6 month mark of when I threw them out of my life and they come back with the EXACT SAME LINE. "I miss talking to you."

Is there some manual that teaches men these opening lines? Is this what happens in locker rooms?

Without fail, every single time. I'm bewildered. Am I that good of a conversationalist? And by this time they think it's okay to approach me with this because they think I should've gotten over whatever complications I had by then.

For the life of me, I don't understand why men do this. When a guy stops talking to me, even when we're good friends, I generally leave him alone. Because there was an obvious reason for him to do that. Even if I miss him, I leave him alone. Because I understand he needs space.

I mean, I guess it's nice to know a man still wants to talk to me after I pull the crazy psycho asshole gig on him. So, I don't know, maybe I should feel glad? I'm just perplexed that they never seem to understand where I'm coming from. I stopped talking to them for a reason. I understand they miss talking to me, but when they ask this of me, it seems a bit selfish on their part. It's like dood, just leave me alone. When I'm ready, I will talk to you again if I choose.

Am I unreasonable? I do not understand, and I'm just frustrated. Your lack of understanding trivializes everything, and that really kind of makes me feel foolish. As if I have no basis for feeling the way I do.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Gosh...why so serious??? If a guy hasn't spoken to you in "3-6 months," then he probably DOES miss talking to you. He's probably curious to see what's new in your life. And if you have developed feelings for someone, then you should act on it, instead of hiding behind a wall. Life is too short to get frustrated when there's really no reason to be. And even if you get involved with a guy and it doesn't work out, SO WHAT??? It's not the end of the world. You're gonna meet more guys. Everyone has their ups and downs in relationships.