Sunday, September 18, 2011

"So what if I didn't have a girlfriend? Would it be different?"

We'd noticed him. Picked through the guys, noting the cute ones, calling dibs, as if we were younger than we were. Of course, the good one, the one we didn't notice till later 'cause he didn't say much, only smiling on occasion, was often wrapped up on the phone with his girlfriend.  

Some people think nothing good happens after 2 a.m., I think, sometimes the most interesting things happen in the depth of night, whether we're inebriated or not, there's something about the late hours that sometimes makes us do things we wouldn't otherwise do. "I don't even know you," he'd said, as if that fact had just occurred to him, midway through his speech on how we should be together. We were standing in the kitchen, and he was still talking, spilling details, thoughts, he'd probably groan about in the morning. I couldn't really believe what I was hearing, or that this was actually happening. "Say this to me again, when you're not drunk." "I know you keep saying I'm drunk, but I'm not," he said, explaining the last beer he had was at some odd hour, but he was because he never spoke that much, and I couldn't figure out how he'd gotten here. A fight with the girlfriend? One too many shots? "Okay, say that I am drunk, and I know people would say differently, but it's then, when people are the most honest, when they say how they really feel." And on other occasion, I'd given that exact same speech. But now, I knew better. Sure, we may say exactly what we feel, in that moment, or what we may have been thinking, a thought that once crossed our minds, exacerbated by the liquor, the booze, but if we can't act on those feelings, thoughts in the sober light of day, then they don't really hold any weight. Unless, we're living our lives drunk. "So what if I didn't have a girlfriend? Would it be different?" Rule #7 Don't get into an affair with a man who's already taken. Especially if you're insecure to begin with because even if you 'win' him in the end, you'll end up wondering through the course of your relationship if he really will be faithful to you. "I was surprised when they said you were Viet." He'd paid attention. He'd kissed me on the forehead. And I wondered, why guys did that. And in the sober light of day, none of it stuck, but for that moment, even though it was in inebriation, I'm not sure I've ever had someone so insistent, in that way, to be with me, when he didn't even know me. And maybe it meant nothing, maybe it was only a passing thought he once had, but I thank you, anyway.

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